Fake Nonfiction

“Playground X,” by Ron Singer

Oct 19th, 2016 | By

Proposal for a Ph.D. Thesis in Sociology The University of West-Central X

Introduction:

The sociology of children’s play spaces is such a well-mined field that it might even be characterized as a veritable minefield for potential dissertation writers. Horizontal and vertical studies abound, as do methodologies, which range from (unsurprisingly) the concrete to the theoretical, and from studies of single play spaces, to comparative studies of multiples.



“I am highly disappointed in this recipe for which I altered literally every step and ingredient,” by Alana Murphy

Sep 28th, 2016 | By

I have to say that for all the love this recipe gets in the blogosphere, I’m just kind of underwhelmed.

As kind of a leading voice in the food blogger comments section community, I set aside an entire Saturday to prepare this dish, eagerly anticipating the results.



“Budgeting Tips from the 1%,” by Valerie Lute

Sep 21st, 2016 | By

At my last gala luncheon, a senator’s wife told me a lot of ordinary Americans are having trouble getting by, and I felt called share my knowledge with my less fortunate countrymen. Budgeting doesn’t have to be hard. With a few minor tweaks, you can save tens, maybe hundreds of thousands of dollars every month.



“The Results of Your Sleep Study,” Madeline Popelka

Sep 14th, 2016 | By

Thank you for taking part in our sleep study. In addition to helping our researchers better understand sleep disorders, we hope to give you some insight into your own behavior. The researchers have compiled a list of five patterns they noticed that could be affecting the quality of your sleep.



“List of things to randomly write on documents to get you fired, but not right away, from your legal document scanning job,” by Timothy DeLizza

Aug 31st, 2016 | By

“Important section” surrounded by little hearts and stars.

Approximate time to discovery: Never.
Chance of termination upon discovery: High



“Our New Rewards Plan,” by David Galef

Aug 17th, 2016 | By

CaffeCuisine Announces Its New Loyalty Program,* starting April 2016, and Here’s How It Works!



“I Aim My Water Poorly,” by Mike Fowler

Aug 10th, 2016 | By

Excuse me, but do you mind if I use your bathroom, as long as I’m here? Okay, whoa, I can see you’re a bit put out, but I really, really have to go. And yes, I know that the last time you let me go here, my aim wasn’t all that great. I left a stain or two on your toilet seat, also on the bathroom walls, the floor mat, probably on the mirror over the sink, the medicine cabinet and the light switch. My aim is pretty bad, I admit.



“In retrospect, perhaps the Hello Kitty zippo lighter in your child’s favor bag was not the best idea,” by Kara Lochridge

Aug 3rd, 2016 | By

Dear Friends and Otherwise,

First, I’d like to offer my condolences to the Martin family. I hope little Gabby comes home from the burn unit soon. Please let us know if you’d like Bob to not visit her with his accordion.

As to the zippo lighter: some of you have expressed concern over the appropriateness of this item as a party favor in a child’s gift bag. First, let’s not jump to conclusions; we all have our own interpretations of “appropriate” and “child.”



“First,” by Christopher Hivner

Jul 27th, 2016 | By

Comment section for You Tube video Qvst3rtY67: German Heavy Metal Band Schicklgruber’s Mustache–New song “Where is My Lighter, I Have No Cigarette”

Dumbguy60: I love German power metal.

JayJay: Power metal? Were your ears torn off by a weasel? This is obviously symphonic metal.

CrowbarsAreFun: I thought it was doom metal.

Bob: This is awful



“Leaked Early Screenplay for God’s Not Dead 3: God’s Not Deader,” by Katie Burgess

Jul 20th, 2016 | By

EXT. SENATE STEPS—DAY SENATOR WILSON: (Gazes at American flag waving overhead, takes deep breath.) My first day as a freshman senator. Well, here goes nothing! Cut to INT. SENATE FLOOR—DAY (SENATOR WILSON takes seat, smiling nervously. SENATOR SMITH sits next to her, extends hand.) SENATOR SMITH: Wayne Smith, Texas. You new here? SENATOR WILSON: Yeah,

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