Fake Nonfiction

“Bleak House by Charles Dickens: a ‘One Star’ Review,” by David Elliott

Oct 10th, 2018 | By

Well, where do I begin when it comes to my dissatisfaction with this product?

I’ve always been led to believe that this novel was a classic, which would provide me with weeks of non-stop literary pleasure. Instead of which, I woke up at 9am, on the day Amazon Prime promised that my “pleasurable” item would arrive, to find my husband lying dead beside me.



“Dear Hailee,” by Chris Spies

Oct 3rd, 2018 | By

Dear Hailee,

I want to congratulate you on your 10-month-and-counting tenure of living in New York City. Based upon the recent life update posted on Facebook, you have experienced many things in the last 300 days and now consider yourself “a true New Yorker” (Marie, 2018a). These 300 days don’t take into account the time your spent at your parents for both Thanksgiving (Marie, 2017a) and Christmas (Marie, 2017b) or the photos of you on a beach in Cabo (Marie, 2018b). That trip lasted eight days, not including flights (Marie, 2018c)(Marie, 2018d) and included a four hour delayed flight on your return trip (Marie, 2018e).



“House: The Restaurant,” by Lee Blevins

Sep 19th, 2018 | By

Take a culinary tour of House: the Restaurant! The only fine dining establishment that feels like home, specifically the home of that upper-middle-class friend you were always jealous of.



“Why Can’t I Find Pants That Look Good Unzipped?” by Jeff Ward

Sep 12th, 2018 | By

Here’s a hard truth about destroying the future. There’s no guidebook. You’ve got your gut, and that’s it.

Hey, my eyes are UP HERE.



“How Following the Weight Watchers Diet Turned Me into a Ring Wraith,” by David Elliott

Sep 5th, 2018 | By

A few years ago, I decided that I might need to lose a few pounds.

It was the little things, really; lack of energy, clothes that didn’t fit anymore, excessive perspiration, the fact that I hadn’t seen my penis since 1973. I thought that joining Weight Watchers would be the most sensible way of going about this, that I could lose weight in a steady, controlled manner, in a friendly environment, surrounded by like-minded people who would support and encourage me throughout the entire process.