Fake Nonfiction

“NOW HIRING at the HOG TROUGH,” by Teague von Bohlen

Oct 30th, 2019 | By

JOIN THE BEST TEAM in the Shelby County area! The HOG TROUGH has been a staple of Moweaqua’s dining scene for decades, starting in the old mall in the 1970s (which burned in the early 80s and is now the gravel lot beside the grain elevators). But the HOG TROUGH, anchoring the corner of Old Route 51 and Madison streets, has been serving hot breakfast, lunches, and pies since the 1940s, when it started as Windell’s Diner, later became Bruce’s, and then the Korner Kitchen. Now the HOG TROUGH is seeking a mature, energetic, bubbly go-getter with strong people skills, someone with a willingness to work, someone with a smile for everyone, and someone who isn’t Brenda Bowers.



“Liner Notes From Frederic Nietzsche’s Debut Solo Album,” by Yaki Margulies

Oct 23rd, 2019 | By

Best known for his world-changing philosophies and cultural criticisms, Frederic Nietzsche is now throwing his Tyrolean hat into the ring of modern music.  In his piece, “On Music and Words,” Nietzsche wrote that music was the essence of everything – including drama – and therefore all tragedy emanated from music.



“Welcome to the Asshole Upstairs Association,” by Meggie Gates

Oct 16th, 2019 | By

Congratulations!

You’ve been accepted to the Asshole Upstairs Association! You are now a part of one of the largest growing populations in the world. This elite group of dick heads have been chosen as some of the shittiest, most inconsiderate people in the world. If you have no idea how your actions affect people, welcome home! The other 700,834 members of this society don’t understand that, either!



“Mike’s Non-Denominational Burger Restaurant,” by Jason Giltner

Oct 9th, 2019 | By

“Welcome to Mike’s Non-Denominational Burger Restaurant. My name is Emma and I am a digital assistant. You can speak to me in full sentences, just like a real person. I have thoughts and opinions, just like a real person. My favorite color is purple. I like the Boston Celtics. I find Wes Anderson to be pretentious. How can I help you today?”



“An Honest Job Rejection Email,” by Evan Warfel

Oct 2nd, 2019 | By

Dear Applicant,

You are not a fit the Creative Strategist / Thought Leader Associate role you applied for. We’ve also deemed you unfit for general living on planet earth. Fuck you.