You might be thinking, “This is a winter issue,” which is true if you don’t live in like, Australia, where everyone is wearing bathing suits and taking photos of themselves in bathing suits and them uploading them to [insert social networking site here] so all their American friends (they don’t have any other friends) can feel sad about everything. That’s a very Australian thing to do, I’ve heard. Anyway. You might be thinking “This is a winter issue,” which is true, only not really. In fact that’s wrong. Totally wrong. Nothing in this issue has anything to do with winter. In fact, if we were going to choose a theme for this issue, it would be poop.

No, that would be stupid. This issue isn’t about poop. But there’s definitely some poop-related content. And also young love, and slightly older love, and indexers in love. And there’s ghosts, too. And Dolly Parton. And a goat. But see for yourself. Go, read, enjoy.  And hell, have a happy [insert December holiday here] while you’re at it. And then when you’re done with all of that reading and merriment, think about all the great stuff that’ll be in our April 2012 issue, and consider submitting something for it. The reading period is now officially open.

—Andrew Kaye, Editor-in-Chief

Table of Contents

Poetry:
Mary Cresswell, “Indexers in Love”
Peter Cole Friedman, “Heyoka”
Joseph Buehler, “The Importance of Being Careful”
Anna Zoria, “More Human Than Human”
Tina Posner, “Stooges”

Short Stories:
Magda Knight, “Dark Matter”
Vanessa Weibler Paris, “A Thankless Job for It’s [sic] Worker’s [sic]“
Adriana Tosun, “Like 911, It’s Just a Number”
Stacey Resnikoff, “‘High IQ’ is Now Trending on Twitter”
Eric Suhem, “Shoes”
Michael Giddings, “A Place Where Kids’ Word Is Law”
Ryan Currier, “The Pests from Beyond”
Rijn Collins, “What to do when Joelene come calling”

Downloadable Copy:

Defenestration, December 2011

An interesting (and true!) story about editing this issue*. After I stitched all the stories, poems, photos, and biographies together into the standard layout, I printed out a copy. Apparently my wife had accidentally loaded up the printer with a bunch of discarded drafts of old Ben & Winslow strips**. So as I’m editing the issue, these light pencil sketches keep showing up behind the content, like the ghosts of cartoon characters. The first page of Lawrence Barker’s “A Stinking Rose by Any Other Name,” for example, contains a half-drawn Apsara Williams in a tank top, which I found fitting because the first paragraph uses the word “attention-whores.” Several other pages have faceless proto-Bens and proto-Winslows cavorting on them. One of the proto-Winslows was fondling his breasts.

That’s not really the amusing part of the story. The amusing part is that my wife loaded up the printer because she was printing off paperwork for a new job. Which she submitted earlier that day.

You won’t find the afterimages of cartoons in this issue, which would only distract you from the great selection of short stories and poetry we have for you this month. Things you have to look forward to: skunk apes, literary allusions, sex, the results of sex, primitive shopping carts, and diseases of women and children. And that’s just a small sampling.

Once you’re done reading the issue, why not submit? We are now officially open again to short stories and poetry. The reading period starts now and ends December 5th.

—Andrew Kaye, Editor-in-Chief

Table of Contents

Poetry:
Autumn Hayes, “Xujaa, Guerrera, Q’Tnna”
Mason Johnson, “Appendicitis”
Marit Ericson, “Riddled”
John S. Fields, “Huck Elvis”
Kyle Hemmings, Two Poems

Short Stories:
Boyd Garriott, “Baby Dedication”
Elizabeth Alexander, “House Arrest”
Kate LaDew, “The Shopping Cart Museum”
Lawrence Barker, “A Stinking Rose by Any Other Name”
Kimberly Emilia, “When Professionals Carry Diaper Bags”
Meg Tuite, “Bee Branch does Ulysses”
Graham Tugwell, “(un)Even Roads Have Feelings”

Downloadable Copy:

Defenestration, August 2011

* Yes, I do actually edit these issues by hand sometimes. But not with a red pen, because they literally make Eileen cry.
** Yes, I do actually draw those strips on computer paper.

You could call this the “Five by Five” issue. That’s not a Buffy the Vampire Slayer reference, but it could be, because back then vampires were cool. No, it refers to the layout for this issue. This time around, we’ve published the work of five short story writers and five poets. If symmetry delights you, then the table of contents alone will be enough to entertain you for hours.

Of course, there’s more to this issue than its table of contents (which is pretty great). We have monkeys and sex and Andy Garcia. We also have a story about a ham sandwich—I daresay it’s the greatest story about a ham sandwich that’s ever been published. And that’s only scratching the surface. This issue features a lot of new faces and a couple of familiar ones. I hope you like it as much as Bigfoot does.

Side note: I love getting author photos from our contributors. It doesn’t always work out—some people want to remain anonymous, or they’re shy, or they’re invisible, or they’re from Mars and therefore can’t be registered on the primitive recording devices of Earth. But the photos we do receive are great. I love being able to match a face to a byline, even if 1) the byline is fake; 2) the photo is fake; or 3) both are fake.

Anyway, that’s all for now. I’m opening the floodgates. Defenestration is now open to short story and poetry submissions. We’re reading for our August 2011 issue. Send us your best.

—Andrew Kaye, Editor-in-Chief

Table of Contents

Poetry:

Emily Severance, Three Poems

Adam Gianforcaro, “An Honest Love Poem”

Jim Bennett, “The Secret of Andy’s Success”

Holly Jensen, “Zoo Ghazal”

Jennifer Clark, “Scrotum Humanum” 

Short Stories:

Andy Glasser, “Want Monkey Wants”

Nelson Lloyd, “The Untold History of Ham Sandwich’s First Rival”

Shelley Ontis, “She Wanted a Romance on Classics Night, but it was His Turn”

Alex Koplow, “Two Hundred You”

Matt Rowan, “Freedom is Expensive as Shit”

Downloadable Copy:

Defenestration, April 2011

This holiday season (Christmas, Hanukah or one of its various alternate spellings, Kwanzaa, Festivus, the 13^th Feast of Shub Niggurath, Saint Radagast’s Day, and so on), give your friends and family the gift of Defenestration. This month’s issue is so good that you will feel compelled to print it off, wrap it up in fancy paper, and give it to everyone you know. Because the best kind of gift is the kind that’s easy on your wallet, and Defenestration is free, free, free.

(So is, I should note, actual defenestration. But I don’t recommend giving that to anyone.)

The year’s nearly done, and that’s a good thing, because that means we’ve survived this new formatting experiment. It’s working well. Non-fiction every Wednesday, Ben & Winslow every Friday, columns whenever the hell we feel like it, and big issues like this one three times a year… I’m enjoying it, aren’t you? And now we get to start the whole process over again. We’re officially open to poetry and short story submissions. This reading period’s for our April 20^th issue. Send away!

—Andrew Kaye, Editor-in-Chief

Table of Contents

Poetry:

Ross Walton, “Facts About Mosquitoes”

Christina M. Rau, “How To Be A Member”

James Valvis, “On Being Born May 19^th” 

F. John Sharp, “Just Because A Rabbit Isn’t Chocolate…”

Short Stories:

Keith Wisniewski, “Doing Time in Monopoly Jail”

Faith Gardner, “Shopping List” 

Eric Hawthorn, “Preface to a Backyard Adventure” 

Daniel Clausen, “Your Relationship with Edward Gray” 

Tom McMillian, “A Proper Sexual Education” 

Kate Lu, “Arms” 

Becky Cardwell, “Not That Big of a Stretch” 

David Powell, “Strange Fish”

Downloadable Copy:

Defenestration, December 2010

Prepare yourselves. Prepare to fall in love with hilarity. Because it’s here, on every digital page. That’s how we roll here at Defenestration. This issue’s offerings are pretty hefty: four of the short stories this time around are well over 2,000 words, and two of those go beyond 3,000. After this read, you’ll be able to pat your belly with contentment. (Or whatever other body part you tap when you’re content. I won’t ask. I’m generally a polite guy.) Just be warned that some of this month’s content might be considered Not Safe For Work, so don’t let the boss read this over your shoulder unless he or she is comfortable with the word “ejaculation.”

You can explore the August 2010 issue of Defenestration from right here on the front page, or you can follow the links below. This issue is also available as a free downloadable .pdf file, because we know there are some of you out there that still like to print things out and read from the skins of murdered trees.

And starting today, we are once again open to poetry and short story submissions. We’ll be reading for the December 20th issue. The reading period ends on December 5th, so give us your best shot. We’ll be waiting.

—Andrew Kaye, Editor-in-Chief

Table of Contents

Poetry:

Evan Allgood, “Orlando Bloom in Morning”

Autumn Hayes, “Mack”

Matt Henderson, “Daydreaming in Greensburg”

Paul Giles, “Famous Last Words”

Short Stories:

David Cotrone, “The Anatomy of Solace (Does Marie Antoinette Need Glasses?)”

George Walker, “Puppy Love”

Leslie Haynsworth, “The Jane Austen Politico Fan Club”

Robert Scotellaro, “The Saint of Redirection”

Lauren Hargrave, “Cookies”

Cal Cleary, “Space Opera”

Downloadable Copy:

Defenestration, August 2010

We changed this year. New look. New format. We’ve been publishing columns, comics, and non-fiction all year, but now it’s time for the poetry and prose to explode from our virtual pages. This is the first of three Defenestration issues that will appear this year, and it’s ten kinds of excellent. We recieved a lot of great submissions during our first reading period, and we chose the best of the best.

I don’t want to say that this issue “has it all,” but it’s pretty damn close. You could go down your internal list of Awesome Things and find a good chunk of them here. This issue has monkeys and robots and ghosts. A Norse god. A faerie queen. Love. Sex. Amusing typographical errors. And a few ducks thrown in for good measure. If you’re not pissing yourself with anticipation, then you’ve come to the wrong place–The Magazine Full of Lame Crap No One Wants to Read is three doors down and full of dorks.

You can explore the April 2010 issue of Defenestration from our front page, or you can follow the links below. This issue is also available as a free downloadable .pdf file that you can take with you or print of do whatever it is you do with one of these things.

And starting today, we are once again open to poetry and short story submissions. We’re reading for our August 20th issue. This reading period ends August 5th. Send us your best!

—Andrew Kaye, Editor-in-Chief

Table of Contents

Poetry:

David W. Landrum, Two Poems

Steve De France, Two Poems

Danny Adams, Two Poems

Laura Garrison, “Downy Nights”

Short Stories:

Gabe Durham, “Film 401 – Robotic Pitfalls in Contemporary Cinema”

Phoebe Nir, “My Favorite Thing”

Josh Peterson, “An Infinite Amount of Monkeys”

Mark A. Rayner, “Rebranding Thor”

Chris Tarry, “City Hall”

Jeromy Henry, “The Really Serious, Angst-Filled, Dark Story”

Nathan Pensky, “Jacques Derrida Strikes Again!”

Micah Cratty, “A Completely Voluntary Letter of Recommendation for Robot Model TX-9”

Downloadable Copy:

Defenestration, April 2010

Second, this month is our first science fiction issue. We have prose from Daniel Hudon, Dawn Corrigan, Dan Perlman, Diane Andrews**, Michael A. Kechula, and Erin Fitzgerald, plus artwork by Steve Cartwright. We plan on doing another science fiction issue next month, so keep those submissions coming!

Third, we have an announcement to make. Defenestration is changing.

Since our first issue back in 2003, we’ve been a monthly magazine. The release schedule worked, but didn’t really take full advantage of our status as a website. Most of our traffice showed up on the 20th of the month when the latest issue went live, and then everything went quiet until the next release. But we’re a website. We’re here 24-7. We want you to visit us more than you visit your grandmother.

And so it comes to this. Defenestration, the website, will be updated weekly starting January 2010. These updates will include columns from editors Eileen Lavelle and Genevieve Valentine, as well as some from brand new columnists we’ll introduce you to later. Defenestration will also host Ben & Winslow, a weekly webcomic by editor-in-chief Andrew Kaye. If that wasn’t enough, our weekly updates will include non-fiction and fake non-fiction*** from contributors like you.

Defenestration, the magazine you’re familiar with, will now appear three times a year: April, August, and December. These will include all the great fiction, poetry, and artwork you’re used to. The year will be divided into three reading periods, with each period corresponding to a particular issue. Our submission process will be streamlined for quick responses: you’ll know whether your submissions has been rejected or held aside for consideration within a week!

What does this all mean? More content, a more selective submission process, and shorter waits for just about everything. It’ll be ten kinds of awesome. There will be plenty of cosmetic changes, too, starting in mid-December when the Submissions page is updated. But we’ll fill you in on those details next month. Remember, we’re closed to regular submissions until December 15th!

Until then!

—Bigfoot, Fiction Editor

*Your piece of cake is in the mail.

** What’s with all the D names?

***Fiction that reads like non-fiction. Like an interview with someone who doesn’t exist, or a review about a book that no one’s written.

Within a couple weeks, it will be Halloween, meaning Haratron can finally wear that human costume-the one he swears isn’t made from real human flesh but has raised more than a few eyebrows around the office. Personally, I find it’s better not to ask. He gets touchy. And touchy with mechanical claws? Never any fun.

This month is our last month of “regular” content (if anything that appears here can be called regular). It’s also a little fatter than usual. We have poems by Casey FitsSimons, Doug Draime, and Mark Cunningham, as well as prose by CJ Hallman, Deborah Gottner, John Frank Weaver, Pavelle Wesser, Lydia Fazio Theys, and Leland Thoburn. We hope you enjoy it!

November and December will feature nothing but science fiction. Why? Because we feel like it. And because we like lasers and time machines and alien motherships. And because a sentient robot runs our PR department. Keep those sci-fi submissions coming!

That’s all for now. Big news, you say? I assure you I don’t know what you’re talking about. And if I did, I would certainly wait until next month to tell you. It’s our birthday, after all.

—Andrew Kaye, editor-in-chief

Big plans in the works. Big plans. The giant gears of change are turning, and things are happening. After our December issue this year… well, I’ll wait until later to fill you in. It’s going to be great, and I’m really excited, and that’s all that matters right now. ;)

Right now we’re still going through the inbox, determining what to put in our October, November, and December issues. Remember, the November and December issues are science-fiction only, so we don’t want to see anything other than science-fiction right now. We’ll be open to normal submissions in mid-December.

Now, as for this month’s lovely issue, we present for your enjoyment poetry by Paul Hellweg; prose-poetry by Joelle Renstrom;  prose by Omar B., Louise Thompson, Matt Kolbet, Jimmy Kahler, and Nick Allen; and a new Defenestrati strip by Matt Hall.

Enjoy!

—Andrew Kaye, editor-in-chief

In this case, we got humorous fantasy. Who knew?

Many of you had problems viewing our July issue. There was some strange, Twilight Zone-type crap going on, but the problem has been solved, so no worries.

And some more important news: our September issue is filled, our October issue will soon be filled, and our November and December science-fiction issues are filling up nicely. We are officially stuffed. As of today, August 20^th 2009, we are no longer accepting regular submissions unless they are science fiction! If you submitted a non-science fiction piece to us before that date, you’re safe. We’ll be sending out acceptances/rejections soon. Regular submissions will resume December 15^th, 2009.

Anyway. Enough business. On with the pleasure! This month features eight stories by authors Bill Waters, Christi Krug, Mary Baader Kaley, Jude-Marie Green, Christopher Jacobsmeyer, Glen Batchelor, and Errid Farland, as well as two poems by Ann Howells. And if you didn’t catch Genevieve Valentine’s latest “Abridged Classics,” check that out, too. Enjoy!

—Andrew Kaye, editor-in-chief