Columns

Pudge-ilist

Mar 18th, 2013 | By

With it now being the third month into President Obama’s second term, quite a few debates regarding legislation has sprung up. There’s the ever popular “Defense of Marriage Act,” this whole second amendment hullabaloo, women’s rights when it comes to the development of a parasite in their body, drone attacks on American civilians, I’m sure there’s more, but you can only watch so much C-Span before you think to yourself “This would be a lot more interesting if Vince McMahon were Speaker….”



Hole-Punching Titus Pullo

Feb 25th, 2013 | By

Dear Jonathan, I’m curious, what’s a typical work day like for you? My friends told me that you’re an ear model, but you seem too down to earth!   A delicate creature (and part-time ear model) has been overcome! ———- Got a question? Email jonathandefenestrates@gmail.com.    



Out with the Old and Take the New with You

Feb 18th, 2013 | By

With every New Year comes a new promise that we make to ourselves to get better. We vow that we’re going to finally get in shape, that we’ll take the time to show our loved ones we care, that we’ll start seeing the world or spend less time at work, and all that self-improvement hogwash you tell yourself year in and year out.



Movie Blurbs for Your Vengeful Eyeballs

Jan 28th, 2013 | By

  One of my friends, a film professor, has given himself a project for 2013. He’s going to watch one movie he’s never seen every week this year. That’s fifty-two films to add to his repertoire and I was like, “Whoa! That’s a lot of movies.” Ok, so then – I saw this on Facebook: This

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Patronizing Means Never Having to Say You’re Sorry

Jan 21st, 2013 | By

 We Americans are a very diverse and unique bunch. We come from all walks of life: different religions, different countries, different languages, different traditions and have all that other happy-go-lucky hogwash that professes our own greatness when it comes diversity.  As amazingly awesome as all that is–it’s pretty damn annoying that we just can’t take

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Strong Female Character Battle Royale – The Finale

Nov 26th, 2012 | By

At long last, we reach the final showdown in Strong Female Characters Battle Royale. We started with eight glorious challengers and have made it to the final two: Violet Crawley vs. Jessica Fletcher: I am proud to say that both of these ladies feature the arse-kicking attributes of a champion. But first, let us not

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SWF Princess ISO Italian SWM

Nov 19th, 2012 | By

Recently, on a gaming news site that’s been irrelevant for months, a story was posted about how a young lass who was seeking companionship through one of the many online dating services felt that while she identified herself as a gamer, stated she needed to keep the fact a secret (why this site is irrelevant to gaming). Her reasoning? She wanted a potential suitor to see her as something more than a person who’s extremely adept at handling a joystick (yay double entendres!) So, in an online environment, where many of the users are socially awkward, and trying to find some way to establish a rapport with someone, she opted to leave out nearly 90% of what guys could easily connect with her on. Which led me to one, very simple truth which is this woman, is simply not a gamer.



Bow Down To MittBot

Oct 29th, 2012 | By

I know, I know – you all were awaiting the final showdown of Strong Female Characters Battle Royale. And trust me, our final two contenders are ready to rumble.  However, I think this is a wonderful opportunity for us to take a pause and ask ourselves the following: Next week is Election Day. And this day

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Just Say ‘No’ to Nov. 6

Oct 22nd, 2012 | By

To this very day, I STILL don’t understand why “Dubya” was even compared to Hitler. In his entire eight years as president, not ONCE did the man even attempt to grow a mustache.



The Tall Bland Starring Jessica Beige

Oct 17th, 2012 | By

There is a sinister being roaming the streets in the film The Tall Man. It has monstrous lips and empty eyes. It’s name is Jessica Biel and she is also an executive producer for this film.