Columns

Now is the Summer of My Discontent

Jun 23rd, 2014 | By

Here in the Washington DC area we had a fairly harsh winter: bone-chilling temperatures, harsh winds, and a couple feet of snow. Folks started to get cabin fever and began wishing for warmer weather to return. They wanted to lounge by some body of water, followed by a cookout with family and friends and ending

[continue reading…]



Interview with the Panic Attack

Jun 4th, 2014 | By

If you’ve never been barraged in an interview for six hours with oddly specific, complex, and esoteric technical situations and questions, then you cannot say you’ve looked into the deepest pits of hell and lived to tell the tale.



Recipes for your Literary Dinner Party

May 27th, 2014 | By

1st Course: Hors D’oeurve   Wells Tower’s Salmon Cutlets, Ravaged and Burned Ingredients:  1 salmon filet, 2 tablespoons olive oil, 2 cloves garlic, fresh dill, 2 lemons, salt, male angst, Viking helmet Put on your Viking helmet. Savagely cut salmon filet into long strips and then mercilessly mince garlic cloves and shred dill. Adjust your

[continue reading…]



Should’ve Listened to Geoffrey

May 19th, 2014 | By

Adulthood is that monster under your bed you were scared of as a kid, and your only defense was pulling the sheets up over your head, only now the “sheets” are–well, still sheets, as staying in bed all day is amazing and the threat of eviction isn’t that intimidating.



Great (?) Literature’s Worst Boyfriends: Part One

May 15th, 2014 | By

This column isn’t about love, but boyfriends. Terrible boyfriends. The greatest, terrible boyfriends in (great?) literature.



It’s Hard Out Here for Graduate Admissions

Mar 30th, 2014 | By

So, as another application season comes to a close, I take this moment to reflect upon my chosen career path. You see, I have an MFA in Creative Writing, which apart from allowing me to wrestle with this strange need to write fiction, has propelled me in the exciting career world of college administration. But

[continue reading…]



The Only Way to Win is Not to Play

Mar 18th, 2014 | By

Having reached a stage in my life where all my friends, acquaintances and well-wishers are all on the verge of, if not already, starting their families, and by proxy their adult lives, there’s a lot of pressure to live up to the expectations of, well, everybody. Sure, some people are all about the nuclear family unit with the 2.5 kids, golden retriever, goldfish, and a decaying elderly relative confined to a rickety rocking chair in the den, and I’d be lying if I hadn’t thought about the very same (sans the goldfish), but is it worth it?



They Watch You While You’re Sleeping

Feb 27th, 2014 | By

The cuddly Easter Bunny. I’ll do my best to avoid the hack topic of “What does a rabbit have to do with Jesus?” but I’m not making any promises. This ‘wascally wabbit’ doesn’t give off nearly as big a creep factor as Santa, but this is a text book case of narcissism.



20th Century Serial Killer Belle Gunness: What’s In My Bag?

Feb 24th, 2014 | By

Belle Gunness, mother and murderer entrepreneur, reveals what’s in her bag!



Me + You = Tattoo

Jan 28th, 2014 | By

Well after a long hiatus, it’s nice to be back…in the Defenestration vault…strapped to this computer desk … ball and chain attached to my ankle…not allowed to leave…ever. YAY! Eileen promised me cupcakes. Anyway, it’s that dreadful time of year where we’re all expected to make due on those pesky little New Year’s resolutions.