Defenestration

Dreaming is for Children and Civil Rights Leaders

I’m convinced that any and everything I dream during my night’s slumber serves no real purpose other than to leave me bitter in the morning. Now, I’m certain most folks love to dream, and enjoy traveling to distant lands and connecting with old friends and passed on loved ones and etc., etc., but to me, [...]

Turns of the Screws

Happy Halloween, everyone! Okay, it’s not Halloween yet, but for me, every day in October is Halloween, which is why I’m dressed up as Eric Draven from The Crow. (Tomorrow I’m Barney.) What can I say, this is my favorite time of the year, and I often spend the month celebrating by partaking in spooky [...]

From the Desk of…

You have to wonder about cinema’s underclass, those helpful servant and offscreen plot-assistants who toil tirelessly for the heroes; often they’re not only unsung, but actively frustrated, by the hero, though we never hear a word about it. The movies are knee-deep with supporting characters whose presence just raises more questions than it answers. Here, [...]

Azure Bonds: Part One Of The Nether Regions Trilogy

Dear Jonathan, With the Lion King being so big at the box office, I’ve become sort of nostalgic for my childhood years. What films or books were you reading as a kid? ——-     “And upon waking up from her great slumber did Alias, which was really her name and not a teaser, discovered [...]

Pleading on Bended Knee

On one of the many occasions (in a single workday) that I peruse CNN, I happened to stumble upon a headline that managed to, in the .25 seconds it took for me to read, take me from an unnatural giddiness, to a combination of disgust and an unfathomable sadness. I have just read a bit [...]

Fashion is a Scary Monster

Dear Jonathan, I’m a slave to fashion, and I like your beard. I’d like some tips on the latest looks and trends. ———- Well, take one look at me and know that I am not one for fashion. I’m of the “drawstring pants over flip flops look” and tend to show up at fancy restaurants [...]

Gone Dictatorin’

Currently, I’m toying around with the idea of running for some form of political office, the good kind where you have actual power, not some piddly comptroller. I’d like to say my intentions would be noble and pure as I strive to improve the lives of all of the citizens that turn to me for [...]

Book Blurbs for Your Great American Novel

Book blurbs are as old as I am (14th century), and have become part of a marketing strategy for an author to establish him/herself by utilizing the praise of demigod writers like Neil Gaiman or ThatGuyWhoLikesRunOnSentences (Hint: It’s William Faulkner and he’s dead). A phrase of praise from a well-respected author like Connie Willis or [...]

Ray Stevenson: Happy Birthday, Jonathan

Jonathan Harper was born in a manger in a secret corridor of a local Denny’s. An orphan at the age of three, Jonathan sustained himself on nuts and the complete Angela Carter collection. He was soon adopted by a benefactress named Judi Dench, and lived with her on a lush country estate with her adopted [...]

Ponies Are Magic (And Unicorns!)

I am totally ALL ABOUT MLP-FiM! Have you seen it yet? It. Is. AMAZERBEAM.

Remember the 80s? I don’t because of hypnotherapy, but I’m pretty sure I was all about My Little Pony then, because they glitter and have pretty hair and also they were ponies. And now all of that is true AGAIN, but, like, in MODERN TIMEZ. Some people say that remaking cartoons from the 80s is lame, but those people are POOP because no one hates ponies. Or unicorns. Or pegasuseses. Or OMG COMBINATION OF THE TWO!!!1!!