Tame BDSM toy, or Awesomely Extreme Spread?!

I never intended for this to be a two-parter–but my mind has been so affected by this, I may as well have witnessed a bloody crime scene.
Only the blood has been replaced by creamy sandwich spread.
Harkening back to my last column about how commercials have infected every nook and cranny of our live as they [...]

Judging Your Jerk: The Thomas Hardy Method

We all have a special jerk in our lives. It could be your sibling, your significant other, a parent, a friend, a co-worker or your brother’s neighbor’s cousin’s sister-in-law’s wife. A jerk like this is hard to shake, so you’ve learned to accept, even love your jerk for the stupid-face she/he is (at least until [...]

Ramblings of a Peon

Alison discusses the highlights of her day below:

Alison on getting ready for work in the morning:

After waking up an hour late – I must have snoozed too many times and my alarm clock was like “F it, sleep all you want.”- I was rushing around to get dressed.  As I put on my vest, the [...]

Badvertising

Our culture has a love-hate relationship with commercials. They run the gamut from catchy to annoying to sexy to meme-tastic. Some however, are just so mind-numbly insipid, that they go down in infamy, and end up on blogs devoted to asinine advertising. Thankfully I have traded in my cable (and lost the cable companies firm [...]

Burn your Retinas, Soothe Your Ears: Terrible Movies with Great Music

Have you ever met someone super hot, or something super hot (what up, objectum-sexuals!), and thought to yourself “I know as soon as you speak you’re going to ruin this beautiful picture you’ve presented, because you’re probably super into politics, or clog dancing and Warren Beatty, or misogynistic film plots with needless explosions and women [...]

George Lucas and His Green Screen of Death

If the movie Avatar was so awesome, then why didn’t it win the Best Picture Oscar?
I’ll admit it.  No, I did not bother seeing Avatar.  I know, I know – I’m usually a firm believer in the rule: if you don’t see it/read it/experience it, you shouldn’t judge it.  Usually.  But there are special cases when this rule should [...]

Lets De Friends!

The fact that my word processor has underlined one word in this opening with the red-line of “No! You idiot!!”, should be some indication that “unfriend” is not a real word. Oxford (in their divine intelligence) has, however, decided otherwise. I have issues with this.
Yes, language is constantly changing based on societal standards, but really… unfriend?? It  is a [...]

Worlds of Lamer: When Nintendo Wrote Books and Spandex Wasn’t Ironic

Is good literature dead? Yes. That’s why this column is so successful (I have two loyal readers I don’t even have to PAY). I like to think this is the place where one can focus on the shitty books of now (or then) that would make Wharton cry elegantly or cause Poe to have a [...]

Fight Club and Other Shit (with Science!)

Introduction:
My job is stupid.  Don’t get me wrong, I like pay checks and employment, as I lack other methods for collecting said pay check, but working is just dumb.  To clue you in to the environment of my mental personal hell, I’ve included a scene from this mornings antics:
Method One:
Boss: “Did you print something on [...]

Dinner with Napalm

How would I go about throwing a fancy dinner party for upwards of 50 guests?
Stage One: Denial
What?  Fifty people didn’t really respond to the Evite.  It’s not like they all don’t know you live in a two-bedroom apartment. They don’t expect you to cook anything – you have an abortion for a kitchen, [...]