Columns

Please Love Me, Mary Gaitskill

Jul 13th, 2015 | By

I met Mary Gaitskill once, and only once, which stands to be one of the most memorable and embarrassing evenings of my life.



…and an Inch to Grow On

May 21st, 2015 | By

For our entire lives, birthdays have been dedicated to our own happiness and fulfillment. We’re being celebrated for an act we had no part in and are rewarded for simply falling out of a vagina.



Fair Trade The HARD Way (Not Really)

Mar 23rd, 2015 | By

Hope does not taste good. I guess coffee is best when it is bitter and brewed with human suffering and unfairness.



If Only Life Were Written By Ricky Gervais

Feb 23rd, 2015 | By

It appears that no matter how old we get, and what road of life we’ve decided to travel, a lot of people can’t shake off the shitty personalities they exhibited in high school. The only difference between then and now: getting into fisticuffs results in getting fired rather than a few days suspension. Oh, and lawsuits.



Jane Eyre, Dominatrix

Jan 20th, 2015 | By

Who’s excited for the upcoming 50 Shades of Grey movie? Only a few more weeks to go before you have to avoid asking your mom if she’s seen any great films recently. Personally, I’ll be avoiding eye contact for months.



D&D Soup at 165 Eaton Place

Dec 18th, 2014 | By

What could a classic British TV series like Upstairs Downstairs and Dungeons & Dragons have in common?



Mute’s Got It Made…

Nov 17th, 2014 | By

Being around people is exhausting. Not from the traditional introverted POV of “straining to think of ways to be friendly” but more of “I’m trying really hard to not tell you to ‘fuck off’ as that’s not appropriate for work/school/church.”



5 Things That Would Be Better than Scarlett Johansson in The Custom of the Country

Oct 29th, 2014 | By

                               



Dangerous Hipster Boys in Trouble (Or Not)

Sep 29th, 2014 | By

Defenestration Magazine is proud to announce the forthcoming publication of columnist Jonathan Harper’s debut collection of short stories in March 2015 … we think.



Great (?) Literature’s Worst Boyfriends: Part Two

Jun 29th, 2014 | By

It’s time to delve into more examples of Great (?) Literature’s Worst Boyfriends. Cuz’ I know how to LEAN IN, bitches.