Jonathan: Mysteries Answered!… and Stuff.

STRONG FEMALE CHARACTERS (SFC) – BATTLE ROYALE

Jul 30th, 2012 | By

This is one thing that makes me smile. Despite the war on women, we are still a culture that is fascinated with tough old ladies. If art imitates and influences life, then one only needs to look to our novels, theater, movies and television shows to find examples of good old fashion female bad-asses. These

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The Bromance Continues

Jun 25th, 2012 | By

In last month’s column, I attempted to describe the complexity (and utter banality) of the bromance. But now I worry that perhaps my example of Hollywood pretty boys, Ben Affleck and Matt Damon, didn’t quite normalize it as much as I had hoped. So, in continuation, here are a few more examples to make you feel either better or worse about yourselves. Enjoy!



Good Will Bromance

May 29th, 2012 | By

Dear Jonathan, My best friend and I have been joined at the hip since high school. We’re two normal married guys, but now we’re labeled as a “bromance” and everyone seems to judge us strangely for it. What should we do? A few years ago, I went to Hooters. A lady friend of mine had

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Fifty Shades of Spankings

Apr 30th, 2012 | By

I know, I know. Everyone’s talking about Fifty Shades of Grey. But I have to be honest–I didn’t really know about it until Eileen’s lovely entry on it earlier this month. Perhaps a new working title should be Fifty Shades of Beige or Bored Housewives with Libidos. So I guess I should be happy for

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Eureka! I Had a Sex Dream

Mar 27th, 2012 | By

Dear Jonathan, I’m having a moral crisis. I’ve been having sex dreams involving my neighbor. Considering the whole thou-shall-not-covet-thy-neighbor’s-wife clause, I’m feeling kind of guilty. What do I do? First of all, I’m writing in while on sabbatical in lovely Eureka Springs, Arkansas, and it is very beautiful out here. I’ve only heard “dueling banjos”

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Racist Intermezzo

Feb 28th, 2012 | By

I think my cat is a racist. I’m serious and this worries me. My husband and I maintain a very civil household. Quite frankly we’re the epitome of a boring suburban couple. We vote, recycle and donate to charities every year. So, this new development has created a stain over my happy existence. I feel

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Ponycidal Christmas

Jan 31st, 2012 | By

Dear Jonathan, I’m still pissed off I didn’t get an iPad for Christmas. What are some things you wanted for Christmas that your parents didn’t get you because they were bastards?   There were three things I consistently asked for Christmas when I was growing up: a good book, a pony and a cape. I

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Roman Holiday Boxing

Dec 15th, 2011 | By

Dear Jonathan, I just saw Tallafornia. Any suggests on what I can watch now in order to avoid night terrors? ———————– Two things you should know about me. #1 – I love British television series, especially historical dramas. #2 – I have an unhealthy infatuation with evil bitchy women in power. So this would explain

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“Blek,” Said The Lesbian

Oct 25th, 2011 | By

Last month’s column got me thinking about the many books I wasn’t allowed to read growing up. There were actually quite a few – my mother was of the prude and prejudice type. Anyway, here’s a small list of some wandering book covers and the secrets they hold that I can only dream of…



Azure Bonds: Part One Of The Nether Regions Trilogy

Sep 26th, 2011 | By

Dear Jonathan, With the Lion King being so big at the box office, I’ve become sort of nostalgic for my childhood years. What films or books were you reading as a kid? ——-     “And upon waking up from her great slumber did Alias, which was really her name and not a teaser, discovered

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