Jonathan: Mysteries Answered!… and Stuff.

Jonathan’s Bike Adventure

Jul 30th, 2013 | By

Every weekend, I go to my favorite coffee shop for writing time. I hate driving there – it’s only two miles and comes with a residual guilt of being lazy, wasting gas and adding to our carbon footprint. Still, two miles is a long walk and time consuming because of all the major roads.

So I bought a bike. I figured this was a fantastic solution – I checked online and it should only take about fifteen minutes to bike up. There’s no pollution involved and this would be an excellent source of exercise. Needless to say, I was thrilled with my decision and was looking forward to incorporating this bike ride into my writing schedule.



Office MMORPG

Jun 27th, 2013 | By

Oh, the great comedy of errors that is the office. If anyone told me having a career would be like this, I would have pulled a Thoreau, found my own Walden’s Pond and happily starved to death within two weeks.



SORORITY RANT MAD LIB!

May 28th, 2013 | By

Last night, I had a strange dream. And while I could not begin to describe the flowery wonderland of my subconscious, I awoke this morning with three Truths that seemed very urgent. Truth 1: Mad Libs were awesome. Do you remember Mad Libs? You had a sheet of paper that asked you to list out

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How I Contemplated the Giant Mess that is Downton Abbey and Moved on with My Life

Mar 25th, 2013 | By

In the case of Downton, Fellowes wooed us with diamonds, allowed us to fall in love, and then tried taking us to Red Lobster for our first anniversary.



Hole-Punching Titus Pullo

Feb 25th, 2013 | By

Dear Jonathan, I’m curious, what’s a typical work day like for you? My friends told me that you’re an ear model, but you seem too down to earth!   A delicate creature (and part-time ear model) has been overcome! ———- Got a question? Email jonathandefenestrates@gmail.com.    



Movie Blurbs for Your Vengeful Eyeballs

Jan 28th, 2013 | By

  One of my friends, a film professor, has given himself a project for 2013. He’s going to watch one movie he’s never seen every week this year. That’s fifty-two films to add to his repertoire and I was like, “Whoa! That’s a lot of movies.” Ok, so then – I saw this on Facebook: This

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Strong Female Character Battle Royale – The Finale

Nov 26th, 2012 | By

At long last, we reach the final showdown in Strong Female Characters Battle Royale. We started with eight glorious challengers and have made it to the final two: Violet Crawley vs. Jessica Fletcher: I am proud to say that both of these ladies feature the arse-kicking attributes of a champion. But first, let us not

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Bow Down To MittBot

Oct 29th, 2012 | By

I know, I know – you all were awaiting the final showdown of Strong Female Characters Battle Royale. And trust me, our final two contenders are ready to rumble.  However, I think this is a wonderful opportunity for us to take a pause and ask ourselves the following: Next week is Election Day. And this day

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STRONG FEMALE CHARACTERS (SFC) – BATTLE ROYALE CONTINUES. AGAIN.

Sep 29th, 2012 | By

And now for the next round of Strong Female Characters Battle Royale! We started off with eight fabulous contenders and are now down to the final four. But first, a little recap on our ladies.



STRONG FEMALE CHARACTERS (SFC) – BATTLE ROYALE CONTINUES

Aug 30th, 2012 | By

In last month’s column, eight fascinating fictional ladies were selected to fight to the pain in the first ever Strong Female Characters (SFC): Battle Royale. This month, the fight begins!

But first, a quick side note. Todd Aiken, your despicable comments about “legitimate rape” has not gone unnoticed. You have been officially added the official SFC Shit List along with other horrible examples of humanity, including but not limited to: Charlie Sheen, Bristol Palin, Daniel Tosh and Dan Cathy.