Eileen: This is Your Brain On…

Gaydar – Magtacular

Sep 20th, 2006 | By

After bringing to your attention The Worst Book in the World, I felt it fair, dear reader, to gently caress your noggin with tender textual kisses after such a severe beating (with a very wordy baseball bat). Therefore, I present to you some glorious scans from what I can promise you is not a magazine

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Every Thug Needs a Book Review

Aug 20th, 2006 | By

Do you ever lie awake at night, tossing and turning, wondering what in the pantheon of literature could be considered “The Worst Book In the World?” Of course not, because that’s my job. And, dear readers, after much searching, I have indeed found this precious prize, this rare shining jewel, this disease ridden bloated corpse

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Have You Seen This Columnist?

May 20th, 2006 | By

As happens when the monthly deadline nears, the staff room at Defenestration is appropriately frenzied. Things are late, things are misspelled, coffee is slowly pouring down between the keys of the only computer we have (Atari, man. Wave of the future). It’s a mess. However, it’s rare we lose an entire person. Imagine our surprise

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War and Sleaze: Eileen Learns Russian and Still Can’t Understand Tolstoy

Apr 20th, 2006 | By

“If I were told that what I shall write will be read in twenty years by the children of today and that they will weep and smile over it and will fall in love with life, I should devote all my life and all my strengths to it.”-Leo Tolstoy on Leo Tolstoy “All good writers

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Moorcock, Less Talk

Mar 3rd, 2006 | By

“[Gloriana is] a marvelous book-the very finest Moorcock has ever written.”-Kensington Post “Lady, I would your lips would touch this pounding prick (60).”-Gloriana This month I had the distinct pleasure of discovering an author who has a name that cannot at all be linked to any raunchy jokes. Michael Moorcock. Moorcock is best known for

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PHILosophy: A Date with Dr. Phil

Feb 20th, 2006 | By

Theodore Dreiser once wrote, “The mystery of life–its inexplicability, beauty, cruelty, tenderness, folly–has occupied the greater part of my waking thoughts; and in reverence or rage or irony, as the moment or situation might dictate, I have pondered and even demanded of cosmic energy to know Why.” But to a self-help guru, this is just

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Where the Sun Don’t Shine: An Exploration into the Dark Corners of My Closet where the Vampires are Hiding Waiting for Me.

Oct 20th, 2005 | By

I had a dream. Not a Martin Luther King one. A real dream. In it, I received a phone call at my house. “Hi, this is Shelly from Starbucks,” said a sweet voice. “I’m just calling to let you know that you left your phone–” Slight pause. “I AM SATORDI. A NOSFERATEU FROM THE FIREY

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Fiddy Feeds Kate Moss White Lines of Wisdom: A Review of 50 Cent’s New Book From Pieces To Weight

Sep 20th, 2005 | By

“I am just a simple Buddhist monk – no more, nor less.”—The Dali Lama “You see me shining, lit up wit diamonds, cause I stay grindin, uh huh!”—50 Cent Finally, after countless albums, 50 Cent–the master of magnetic words and auspicious game has presented us with a treasure of philosophy: From Pieces to Weight. For

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Hex Mex: It’s Like Chex Mix, Except it Cuts Up My Insides (pt. 2/2)

Jul 20th, 2005 | By

Welcome back! I presume you’re read part one. So we’re on to the second episode. Cassie continues to go out walking around the castle despite the fact that there’s a murderous fallen angel following her around everywhere. Azazeal says more wise words of the day and leers a lot and Cassie is so confused she

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Hex Mex: It’s Like Chex Mix, Except it Cuts Up My Insides (pt. 1/2)

Jun 20th, 2005 | By

SkyOne on Hex: “It’s the British Buffy!” Genevieve on Hex: “STUPID FUCKING BITCH. IN THE HEXAGRAM. IN THE HEXEGRAM. YOU HAVE ONE JOB. ONE FUCKING JOB. DO YOU NEED ONE SYLLABLE WORDS? IN THE THING. STAY IN THE THING.” BBC America is one of my favorite channels. Not only does it bring me the wonderful

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