Eileen: This is Your Brain On…

Worlds of Lamer: When Nintendo Wrote Books and Spandex Wasn’t Ironic

Mar 8th, 2010 | By

Is good literature dead? Yes. That’s why this column is so successful (I have two loyal readers I don’t even have to PAY). I like to think this is the place where one can focus on the shitty books of now (or then) that would make Wharton cry elegantly or cause Poe to have a

[continue reading…]

Wuthering Heights: Again.

Feb 7th, 2010 | By

Way back when Defenestration was still a babe, I reviewed MTV’s Wuthering Heights. It was hilarious and awful, and I foolishly thought that it would be the nail in the “Let’s Adapt Wuthering Heights for the Billionth Time,” coffin. I was wrong. A few months ago another Wuthering Heights adaptation premiered on Masterpiece Theatre. I

[continue reading…]

Riverpants: Leap Year, Reviewed

Jan 11th, 2010 | By

Dear Ireland, I am sorry. I am sorry that so many people these days claim they are Irish—on their great-great-grandmother’s side. Frankly, that’s annoying. But most of all I am sorry after so many many years, American films still portray you as a backwoods buffoon full of leprechauns who gnaw on cornbeef and chug Shamrock

[continue reading…]

The Adventures of Porny Bear

Aug 20th, 2007 | By

  Recently I have been reading Pamela Paula’s Pornified, a book that argues that heterosexual porn is destroying friendships, family and male to female relationships. Paul writes that straight men who watch pornography lose interest and a  ability to connect emotionally and physically with their female partners. An intriguing concept. And if Paula’s argument were

[continue reading…]

Eileen and Andrew Play MASH while Genevieve Burns Harry Potter

Jul 20th, 2007 | By

M A S H Profession Garbage Inspector Gynecologist Sweatshop Manager Performance Artist (homeless) Sultan of Dubai’s Girlfriend   Hobby Hooking Taxidermy Playing Bradley Headstone at Dickens World Coupon Clipping Enthusiast Staring at Andrew   Who You Will Marry Bruce Willis circa 1989 Andrew Ryan Reynolds Chad the Ex-Boyfriend Larry King   Children A Swarm Macaulay

[continue reading…]

The Justice System at Work

Apr 20th, 2007 | By

It’s sort of uncomfortable when you get this from the judge presiding over your “Intoxicated While Driving With An Orangutan With A Suspended License And Silly Hat” case. But I really need the acquittal!* ———- Frequent target of fallen angels, Eileen hides from their seductive wrath in the hallowed confines of Defenestration HQ, where she

[continue reading…]

A Love Letter to Phil Collins

Feb 20th, 2007 | By

Dear Phil Collins, You are a god. Which makes sense because you were in a band called Genesis. I bet you planned it that way, you saucy minx. Phil, you need to know how much you’ve been an integral part of my life. “Another Day in Paradise,”  “True Colors,” “Against All Odds,” “A Groovy Kind

[continue reading…]

Anime: It’s Japanese for ‘Boobies’ Part Two

Jan 20th, 2007 | By

After attempting to burn off my retinas after my recent bout of bad anime, I decided I would just have to suck it up and continue on my journey. Or buy more lighter fluid. Ninja Scroll Made in 1993, Ninja Scroll is about ninjas, but the scroll, like good taste, never makes an appearance. To

[continue reading…]

Anime: It’s Japanese for ‘Boobies’ Part One in a Two-Part Series

Dec 20th, 2006 | By

Recently a reader asked me why my columns lean towards bitter diatribes on books. To which I replied, “Shut the hell up and make me more pie!” But my mother had a point. Maybe I needed a vacation from reading crap. She certainly needed to make me more pie. So why not freshen up my

[continue reading…]


Oct 20th, 2006 | By

So, what should I be for Halloween?             Wait, I know!!!   Yay! HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE!!! ———- Frequent target of fallen angels, Eileen hides from their seductive wrath in the hallowed confines of Defenestration HQ, where she hopes to erect a wall of words between herself and the forces of

[continue reading…]