Eileen: This is Your Brain On…
It’s Christmas Time and I Am Full of Beer: The Passive Aggressive Gift List
The holiday season should really be a time for you to send a passive aggressive message through the nature of gift giving. As we all know, passive aggressiveness is what truly separates humans from the most intelligent of mammals (gazelles). Therefore, we should embrace this trait as wholeheartedly as we embrace our mothers after they [...]
A Sequel: How To Score Like A Literary Lady-Pimp
This is going to be rather short, ‘cuz ladies don’t do much, except knit and create the theory of radioactivity. Now, I could argue that the reason there aren’t as many lady pimps as man pimps in literature is because female characters are often caricatures, necessary only to plot devices and the hero’s inner turmoil. [...]
Your Sensitive Dreamboat
There is nothing sexier than a bad boy, like Gambit or Willy Wonka as played by Gene Wilder. But sometimes you want a man who doesn’t believe all of the world’s problems can be solved by pointing to his crotch. Sometimes all of us just want a dude who will make us soup and give [...]
Pimpin’ Ain’t Easy: How to Score like a Literary Hero/Anti-Hero
Awww yeah, guys and girls! Who doesn’t want to become luckier with the opposite sex (Answer: nuns)? Listen, we all want to love and be loved (while avoiding a plethora of venereal diseases). But it’s tough out there! And many of us have, more often than not, failed in scoring our crotch’s desire. You’ve probably [...]
A Good Rochestering: Haikus for Jane Eyre’s Main Squeeze
There are two things you can count on in this world: 1) Ryan Reynolds will never return my phone calls, no matter how many different ways I disguise my voice. 2) The film/TV studios believe that the canon of literature contains only: Jane Austen, Henry James, Dickens, a smattering of Mark Twain, a dash of [...]
Judging Your Jerk: The Thomas Hardy Method
We all have a special jerk in our lives. It could be your sibling, your significant other, a parent, a friend, a co-worker or your brother’s neighbor’s cousin’s sister-in-law’s wife. A jerk like this is hard to shake, so you’ve learned to accept, even love your jerk for the stupid-face she/he is (at least until [...]
Burn your Retinas, Soothe Your Ears: Terrible Movies with Great Music
Have you ever met someone super hot, or something super hot (what up, objectum-sexuals!), and thought to yourself “I know as soon as you speak you’re going to ruin this beautiful picture you’ve presented, because you’re probably super into politics, or clog dancing and Warren Beatty, or misogynistic film plots with needless explosions and women [...]
Worlds of Lamer: When Nintendo Wrote Books and Spandex Wasn’t Ironic
Is good literature dead? Yes. That’s why this column is so successful (I have two loyal readers I don’t even have to PAY). I like to think this is the place where one can focus on the shitty books of now (or then) that would make Wharton cry elegantly or cause Poe to have a [...]
Wuthering Heights: Again.
Way back when Defenestration was still a babe, I reviewed MTV’s Wuthering Heights. It was hilarious and awful, and I foolishly thought that it would be the nail in the “Let’s Adapt Wuthering Heights for the Billionth Time,” coffin. I was wrong. A few months ago another Wuthering Heights adaptation premiered on Masterpiece Theatre. I [...]
Riverpants: Leap Year, Reviewed
Dear Ireland, I am sorry. I am sorry that so many people these days claim they are Irish—on their great-great-grandmother’s side. Frankly, that’s annoying. But most of all I am sorry after so many many years, American films still portray you as a backwoods buffoon full of leprechauns who gnaw on cornbeef and chug Shamrock [...]
Site Meter
© 2012 Defenestration. All Rights Reserved.
Powered by WordPress. Designed by 