Chris: Encyclopedia Douchebag… ica

The Only Way to Win is Not to Play

Mar 18th, 2014 | By

Having reached a stage in my life where all my friends, acquaintances and well-wishers are all on the verge of, if not already, starting their families, and by proxy their adult lives, there’s a lot of pressure to live up to the expectations of, well, everybody. Sure, some people are all about the nuclear family unit with the 2.5 kids, golden retriever, goldfish, and a decaying elderly relative confined to a rickety rocking chair in the den, and I’d be lying if I hadn’t thought about the very same (sans the goldfish), but is it worth it?



They Watch You While You’re Sleeping

Feb 27th, 2014 | By

The cuddly Easter Bunny. I’ll do my best to avoid the hack topic of “What does a rabbit have to do with Jesus?” but I’m not making any promises. This ‘wascally wabbit’ doesn’t give off nearly as big a creep factor as Santa, but this is a text book case of narcissism.



Wow! Windows! I Don’t Think I Can Afford This Place

Jan 21st, 2014 | By

As you mature you start to make the shift from “barnacle in your parent’s house” to “semi-functional adult” (where most of us remain), all of it culminating in you moving out into the world on your own.



Just Prop ‘im Up in the Corner

Jul 23rd, 2013 | By

During the course of our lives, we’re introduced to the people who make up the world around us. From birth, we get to know and love our family, and, if our personality isn’t that of a curmudgeonly old man, we’re lucky enough to find friends whom we care deeply for. These relationships grow and blossom for years to come, but those who you’ve trusted to not poison your meals will inevitably succumb to death.



The Summer of 32,000ft

Jun 17th, 2013 | By

Airplanes and prisons are the two places where it’s absolutely impossible to escape from an unwanted situation.