Chris: Encyclopedia Douchebag… ica

The Only Way to Win is Not to Play

Mar 18th, 2014 | By

Having reached a stage in my life where all my friends, acquaintances and well-wishers are all on the verge of, if not already, starting their families, and by proxy their adult lives, there’s a lot of pressure to live up to the expectations of, well, everybody. Sure, some people are all about the nuclear family unit with the 2.5 kids, golden retriever, goldfish, and a decaying elderly relative confined to a rickety rocking chair in the den, and I’d be lying if I hadn’t thought about the very same (sans the goldfish), but is it worth it?

They Watch You While You’re Sleeping

Feb 27th, 2014 | By

The cuddly Easter Bunny. I’ll do my best to avoid the hack topic of “What does a rabbit have to do with Jesus?” but I’m not making any promises. This ‘wascally wabbit’ doesn’t give off nearly as big a creep factor as Santa, but this is a text book case of narcissism.

Wow! Windows! I Don’t Think I Can Afford This Place

Jan 21st, 2014 | By

As you mature you start to make the shift from “barnacle in your parent’s house” to “semi-functional adult” (where most of us remain), all of it culminating in you moving out into the world on your own.

Just Prop ‘im Up in the Corner

Jul 23rd, 2013 | By

During the course of our lives, we’re introduced to the people who make up the world around us. From birth, we get to know and love our family, and, if our personality isn’t that of a curmudgeonly old man, we’re lucky enough to find friends whom we care deeply for. These relationships grow and blossom for years to come, but those who you’ve trusted to not poison your meals will inevitably succumb to death.

The Summer of 32,000ft

Jun 17th, 2013 | By

Airplanes and prisons are the two places where it’s absolutely impossible to escape from an unwanted situation.


May 20th, 2013 | By

College is a time where you learn that ramen noodles are just as great for breakfast as they are for dinner, and that your clothes aren’t that dirty and could probably be worn another three or four times before needing a trip through the spin cycle. Oh, and for most breaks (spring excluded), you’re expected to return home, and if home long enough, find a job.


Mar 18th, 2013 | By

With it now being the third month into President Obama’s second term, quite a few debates regarding legislation has sprung up. There’s the ever popular “Defense of Marriage Act,” this whole second amendment hullabaloo, women’s rights when it comes to the development of a parasite in their body, drone attacks on American civilians, I’m sure there’s more, but you can only watch so much C-Span before you think to yourself “This would be a lot more interesting if Vince McMahon were Speaker….”

Out with the Old and Take the New with You

Feb 18th, 2013 | By

With every New Year comes a new promise that we make to ourselves to get better. We vow that we’re going to finally get in shape, that we’ll take the time to show our loved ones we care, that we’ll start seeing the world or spend less time at work, and all that self-improvement hogwash you tell yourself year in and year out.

Patronizing Means Never Having to Say You’re Sorry

Jan 21st, 2013 | By

 We Americans are a very diverse and unique bunch. We come from all walks of life: different religions, different countries, different languages, different traditions and have all that other happy-go-lucky hogwash that professes our own greatness when it comes diversity.  As amazingly awesome as all that is–it’s pretty damn annoying that we just can’t take

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SWF Princess ISO Italian SWM

Nov 19th, 2012 | By

Recently, on a gaming news site that’s been irrelevant for months, a story was posted about how a young lass who was seeking companionship through one of the many online dating services felt that while she identified herself as a gamer, stated she needed to keep the fact a secret (why this site is irrelevant to gaming). Her reasoning? She wanted a potential suitor to see her as something more than a person who’s extremely adept at handling a joystick (yay double entendres!) So, in an online environment, where many of the users are socially awkward, and trying to find some way to establish a rapport with someone, she opted to leave out nearly 90% of what guys could easily connect with her on. Which led me to one, very simple truth which is this woman, is simply not a gamer.