Columns
Yeah, I AM the Manager…
Maybe I missed something, but is it written somewhere that when I’m not satisfied with the most insignificant of things, that I’m allowed to become an outright prick? I mean, if it is, I’d like to have this document sent to me so I can create a laminated card containing the specific section, hang it [...]
Abridged Classics: Pathfinder
So, I while ago, I made an Abridged Classic for Pathfinder, an appalling example of racism in cinema, and also an appalling example of cinema. And man, there was plenty to show you. Especially because writing about this movie just doesn’t do it justice. It’s one thing to write, “The Native American characters are useless.” [...]
As the World Falls Down: ComicCon 2010
My name is FAELUVER, but you can also call me [Redacted]. I write fan fiction, and am famous for writing the best Labyrinth fanfiction evahhhhh!!!!* Supposedly, Defenestration has found me so aspiring that they hired me to instruct you all on the wonderful world of fandom! This is going to be so feyzerbeam u guyz!!! [...]
Tom Colicchio with a Side of Artichoke Hearts
Top Chef is taking place in DC this year – since that’s your backyard, have you been following it closely and who do you think should win? You are absolutely correct to think that this season’s Top Chef being set in Washington D.C. is simply orgasmic because eventually we’ll get to see head-judge and co-host, [...]
Commute to Oblivion
If you’re like me, you must daydream on your ride to work that this will be the day in which your vehicle of transportation will be hit by an ice cream truck, resulting in a nice day off and melted snow cones for everyone. But that’ll never happen. So you busy yourself with more mundane [...]
Getting High Off The Sound Of Music
So. Kids have once again found another back door to getting “high” because they can’t stand being under their parents ever vigilant, controlling thumbs in an attempt to make them more perfect than those snotty Joneses kids—that and the fact that most kids can’t stand each other (or pretty much anything that doesn’t involve themselves). [...]
Douchebag Bingo
Greetings viewers! Yes, I realize that this is indeed in print, so I should’ve addressed you as readers, but I figured you’d more than likely stick around to read this journalistic masterpiece to judge me for my apparent “botched” opening, but alas, I have tricked you. Now that you’ve taken the bait, you have no choice [...]
Pimpin’ Ain’t Easy: How to Score like a Literary Hero/Anti-Hero
Awww yeah, guys and girls! Who doesn’t want to become luckier with the opposite sex (Answer: nuns)? Listen, we all want to love and be loved (while avoiding a plethora of venereal diseases). But it’s tough out there! And many of us have, more often than not, failed in scoring our crotch’s desire. You’ve probably [...]
Abridged Classics: Lorna Doone
If there is one thing I love in this world, one thing it’s impossible to ruin, it is a period piece that brings together a talented cast. It’s a chance to discover the next big thing; a chance to enjoy those who have been chosen to work together because they’re at the top of their [...]
A Good Rochestering: Haikus for Jane Eyre’s Main Squeeze
There are two things you can count on in this world: 1) Ryan Reynolds will never return my phone calls, no matter how many different ways I disguise my voice. 2) The film/TV studios believe that the canon of literature contains only: Jane Austen, Henry James, Dickens, a smattering of Mark Twain, a dash of [...]
Categories
Site Meter
