(Un)impressive Powers

Psychic Rob might be psychic, and clairvoyant, and yes, even telekinetic, but until he learns to use those powers for something people find generally useful, they’re going to be little better than parlor tricks. Beautiful, hamburger-delivering parlor tricks.

Pimpin’ Ain’t Easy: How to Score like a Literary Hero/Anti-Hero

Awww yeah, guys and girls!
Who doesn’t want to become luckier with the opposite sex (Answer: nuns)?  Listen, we all want to love and be loved (while avoiding a plethora of venereal diseases). But it’s tough out there! And many of us have, more often than not, failed in scoring our crotch’s desire.
You’ve probably been relying [...]

“Monogamy,” by Matt Kolbet

Pornography is an easy moral target, but too often the only response critics have is to discuss how it demeans women, corrupts viewers and participants, and marginalizes the family unit. Thankfully, Family Limited® has come up with a viable alternative to such degrading material—Monogamy, a new reality show.

Summer of Lies

It’s been a rainy summer this year. Maybe not cold and rainy, like it is in this comic, but rainy nonetheless. And that, my friends, is kind of a bummer.

“Deep Throat Redux,” by Thomas Sullivan

Two men sit in a booth in a dimly lit restaurant. One man is a newspaper reporter, the other is an FBI agent.

Okay, the tape’s rolling. So how did you find yourself surveilling the hotel room in Phoenix?

One of our men was meeting with a big-time American dealer. Our agent was posing as a Mexican drug baron looking to unload an enormous quantity of coke. The dealer was this dirtbag who sold to kids in the Tuscon area. We’d been trying to nab him for two years.

Vampire On The Back Of My Head

I can’t think of a better tattoo than a face on the back of someone’s head. I’m sure someone has done this in real life, although I haven’t seen any examples. It’s probably terrifying.

Abridged Classics: Lorna Doone

If there is one thing I love in this world, one thing it’s impossible to ruin, it is a period piece that brings together a talented cast. It’s a chance to discover the next big thing; a chance to enjoy those who have been chosen to work together because they’re at the top of their [...]

“Litter,” by Patricia Mitchell

At the risk of sounding like a bitter, barren old shrew, your kids aren’t that cute. I can tell by the way you’re smiling and applauding them that this is their first time throwing their own garbage away in a public trashcan, but I don’t need to be a part of this milestone in your child’s life. Please save the lessons and the exercises for home or the classroom and keep them out of my local Panera.

Steampunks

The truth is, Winslow and Kurt are only into steampunk because they like to have an excuse to wear goggles. It was either steampunk, or become professional swimmers. And steampunk didn’t require shaving off their body hair.

“Transcript: Enraged Man to Milton Bradley,” by Drew Dickerson

Listen. I’m trying not to sound too terribly accusatory here. But you guys have caused me no small amount of irreversible psychological damage over the years. Observe: Don’t Break the Ice, Don’t Spill the Beans, Don’t Wake Daddy. “Don’t do this! Don’t do that!” Your board games are ripe with such negative language—and during the formative years, no less!