All entries by this author

“Piano Hoarding Christians,” by Kristy Gherlone

Jan 24th, 2018 | By

The people across the street will not teach me piano. They told me ‘no’, even after I had put on a clean shirt, combed my hair, and walked all the way over there. I thought it would be like asking for a cup of sugar, like neighbors sometimes do. “Will you teach me piano?” I asked nicely.



Asleep for Weeks

Jan 19th, 2018 | By

Welcome back, everyone! Time to get Ben & Winslow back on the schedule!



“Hold the Cheese,” by Mike Frenkel

Jan 17th, 2018 | By

On this day, I had reached the limit of my tolerance. It had gone too far and I now felt compelled to express my disdain for the ubiquity of cheese that has spread like a noxious malignancy throughout our culinary culture. Yes. You heard me. CHEESE! Fromage. Parmesan. Pec-er-ino roman-o. Cheddar. Prov-a-lone. Monterey Jack. I spit out these words like profanities.



“A Thoreau Thing,” by June Forte

Jan 10th, 2018 | By

My brother Jim called to tell me he was about to bid on a 50-acre island in the middle of the Illinois River.

“We want to scale down,” he said. “Do the Thoreau thing. You know—Walden Pond.”



“Screenplays I Wrote When I Was a Teen,” by Lee Blevins

Jan 3rd, 2018 | By

I wrote seven feature length screenplays between the ages of twelve and seventeen. That’s one per year plus an extra one junior year when I got too stoned by myself for the first time. None of these screenplays were ever produced because I both was underage and undertalented (that’s untalented with an extra der). I list them here so my sister’s future children shall be able to see how much cooler their uncle could have been than them.



SEXY GOP CALENDAR

Dec 28th, 2017 | By

Presenting the proposed Sexy GOP 2018 Calendar and our star pin-ups!



“Logic, the Universe, and Pigs,” by Ali Kashkouli

Dec 27th, 2017 | By

As a child one rarely questions religious beliefs. Your parents tell you what to believe and that’s that. My father was never the religious type, but would occasionally be found to utter a short prayer whenever convenient for him. My mother, however, adhered fairly strictly to the Islamic tradition and made the effort to pray as much as possible. Namaz, she called it. The incongruity between my father’s more lax perspective and my mother’s incessant incantations really made me wonder. Did God want to be constantly bothered with the insignificant events of our daily lives or was He more into the gestalt? What if God really was a micromanager? Would someone like my dad end up getting the cold shoulder because of his inconsistent appeals?



Defenestration: December 2017

Dec 20th, 2017 | By

Welcome, welcome, to our latest issue of Defenestration, typically known as the “December Issue” but also known as the “Winter Issue” or “Defenestationmas.” The weather outside is changing, and then changing again, and then changing back into the thing it had originally changed into, confusing everyone and making their noses drip like cartoon faucets. But never fear! Defenestration is here to help keep the world company in these dark and sometime chilly times.



“Sad Acorn Review,” by Hayley Rosenfield

Dec 20th, 2017 | By

It had not been a good Christmas Eve for the Nyhus family. It started off all wrong when Eric arrived late donning a new girl on his arm, a woman the family had no idea even existed, let alone would be joining them for the evening. Her name was Eden, and while friendly enough, she wore so many fake gold bangles on her arm that it caused a racket while taking communion at First Lutheran that night.



“Anabasis,” by Daniel Galef

Dec 20th, 2017 | By

Mr. Stevenson must have had a first name, but, if so, his teachers didn’t know it. “Is that so, Stevenson?” they inquired. “Speak up, Stevenson, so that the whole class can hear you.” Mr. Stevenson’s parents probably knew his first name at one point, but may have forgotten. His friends didn’t know it, for the same reason that unicorns don’t know the capital of North Dakota.