“I think it goes without saying: that hair is a different color than that hair.”

“The breast goes down much farther than that.”

“Well, her skin isn’t that blue.”

“Oh God, that’s awful! Not you — the lighting.”

“Notice the delicacy with which the light hits her eyelids.”

“Where’s her belly button?”

“You look like you’re cold.”

“You’ve made her quite… muddy.”

“Can you do something more interesting?”

“Can you do something about your hair?”

*Sound of disgust*

“Oh, whoops, can somebody close the door?”

“No, her lips really are that small.”

Gasp — “You have such a lovely spine!”

“I wish she would smile.”

“I think that’s her sweat.”

“Her thigh looked much larger last week.”

“She’s completely washed out.”

“I’d avoid her hair entirely.”

“Goodbye! You’re magnificent!”

————

Lilly Constance is a Manhattan based writer and editor. You can follow her @lillyconstance1