“#SorryAboutTheLengthOfThisHashtag,” by Luke Roloff

Dec 18th, 2019 | By | Category: Fake Nonfiction, Prose

#SorryAboutTheLengthOfThisHashtagButJustWantedToCoverMyBases
WithAsManyAudiencesAsHumanlyPossibleSoThatLoadsOfPeopleLike
AndCommentOnMyPhotographOfMeStandingNearAMountainBecause
WhenPeopleLikeMyPicturesThenIFeelGoodAboutMyLifeEvenThough
MyLifeStinksCommaIMeanItIsReallyInThePoopsCommaSoIfYouAreA
PersonIUsedToKnowLikeFifteenYearsAgoOrSomeRandoStrangerOrA
MasqueradingComputerRobotItMeansTheWorldToMeWhenYou
LightlyTapThePadOfYourFingerAgainstAPieceOfPlasticForAnInstant
CommaItIsLiterallyTheBestThingIHaveGoingForMeInTermsOfFeeling
APulseSemicolonDidYouKnowThatWhenAHumanGetsSomeoneOrSo
methingToLikeTheirPhotographParenthesisNoMatterHowTerribleItIs
ParenthesisThenABurstOfDopamineIsSentToTheBrainWhereItActsAs
ARewardMoleculeEmDashErgoThereIsNeurochemicalEvidenceThat
SupportsHowManicalIAmAboutTryingToPostMediocrePhotosWith
OverblownCaptionsEllipsisIHopeThisDoesNotComeAcrossAsDesparate
BecauseIDoNotWantYouToKnowMyTrueFeelingsBecauseThatIs
EmbarrassingButPretendingToLiveLikeBearGryllsIsNotEmbarrassing
AtAllCommaItWillLeadToMoreLikesWhichWillMakeMyLifeWayBetter
CommaAndMaybeJustMaybeMoreStrangersWillFollowMeAndLove
MeAndIWillHookMyPhoneUpToMyArmLikeAnIVShootingDopamine
StraightIntoMySucklingBloodstreamBecauseDaddyNeedAFixRealBad
AndThenEverythingWillBeAllGoodBecauseIWillFeelNoPainAndMarry
RihannaAndPostCandidsOfUsThatLookLikeThePaparazziTookThem
BecauseTheyDidAndMyLifeWillBeCompleteBecauseIWillBeTrulyLoved
AndAdmiredAndFeelSpecialAndLiveForeverAllDueToMyInnateAbility
ToWriteAnAbundanceOfLooselyRelatedWordsWithTheNumberSymbol
InFrontOfThem

#NoFilter

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Luke is currently one of the people in LA. Also, he has written things on the Internet before. For money, he helps make advertisements so that you know what to buy. Pray for Luke.

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