“List of Bands That Must Stop Making Music and Why,” by John Meyers

Aug 20th, 2017 | By | Category: Poetry

KISS
I think it was a Halloween concert
in the nineties, when they were already old
TV cameras picked up a slice of
Gene Simmons’ ass cheek
visible though a stylish hole in his leather pants
It looked like what you see when
you first open a can of spam

COLDPLAY
His voice sounds more and more
like a toddler in pain

ROLLING STONES
crusty skeletons

WHITESNAKE
Post facelift David Coverdale
looks like a woman at my gym
she is fifty-four years old
and just had a facelift

U2
I’ve given it all I’ve got
overcome the white man’s burden
bled Irish green all over the wailing world
whose environment I must protect, U2 like
stop it already

AEROSMITH
dried out witchy woman-esque narcissist
torched vocal chords and enough
rock anthems to kill us several times over

BEACH BOYS
surfside bartenders slinging margaritas
wait he’s in the band, that grandpa

QUEEN
this one is tough for me
but you look like Christopher Lloyd
in Back to the Future
Freddy is long gone
do you understand?

STING
wait didn’t you already
do the sloppy guitar thing
in the nineties

BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN
at some point
things should be placed
in a time capsule
there is no longer a need
to pretend thirty years haven’t passed
mary’s dress will always wave
we understand that
go build a cabin in the woods

————

John Meyers’ poems, stories, and essays have appeared in a wide variety of publications. Over the past year his work has been featured in The Louisville Review, Lunch Ticket, Fiction Southeast, and Thrice Fiction, among others. He has work forthcoming in Misfit Magazine, Hoot Review, and The Jellyfish Review. John lives in Maryland and can be found online at http://www.johnmeyersauthor.com

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