“The Wife Of,” by Annette LeBox

Apr 20th, 2017 | By | Category: Poetry

The wife of a goat is a goatee, a bearded lady in the circus, three bristly hairs on her chinny chin chin, trimmed and smoothed into a lively point, making the point that hair defines gender, sort of.

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The wife of a cheater is the last to know, though the clues were there; she is considered clueless for her lack or in denial for not believing that love lies.

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The wife of a gopher is a go-fer of the first order, a bringer of coffee and tree nuts and a bearer of bad news bears. Go figure.

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The wife of a fireman flips the calendar past September, her cheesecake honey’s month.  The glossy two-page spread’s been photo-shopped to hide the roll around hubby’s pot.  She’s the envy of the other wives, but she fantasizes about December, her husband’s best friend, thinking how she’d like to slide off that cheesy Santa hat he’s holding over his briefs.

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The wife of a writing prof is his perennial student serving his inflated ego in parenthesis, (the semi-to his colon, comma to his exclamation, lower case to his capital I).

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The wife of a dentist hates teeth, resents hubby’s talk of cavities and drills, his lectures on gum disease and rubber dams. She implants gold bridges of conversation, whitens choppers, wears a party tooth to soirees, grins a lot.

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The wife of a big wheel is the tire on which hubris treads or the rim, a machinated appendage, not the engine that moves a rig.

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The wife of a sloth is an awful housekeeper. She lazes the days away, lounging on treetops and telephone wires. She’s laid back, hanging by her toes, dozing the days away.  She and her mate are perfectly-matched slackers.

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The wife of a CEO is a trophy, a younger version of the first, blonder and skinnier, having not yet birthed the prerequisite child after which she’ll become a stay-at-home mom.

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The wife of a cigar is a cigarette. The cigar is full-bodied, richer — a fat cat preening. He creates a big stink, fills a room. She’s thinner, sleeker and sneakier. Accompanied by coffee or beer, she’s a lively hit. The pull of her stronger than smack.

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The wife of a nut loves peanut butter, cuts herself crunchy. She’s addicted to the stick of it, finds community in the spread.

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Annette LeBox is an award-winning poet with 45 poems published in literary magazines such as Event, Poetry Canada, Prairie Fire, the Southern Review (Australia), the Hiram Review, and Scrivener. She also writes novels, short stories and picture books. Two of her picture books won the BC Book Prize. She divides her time between Maple Ridge, BC, and her remote cabin in the Cariboo grasslands. She holds an MFA from the University of British Columbia.

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