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Winslow bought a bouquet from Online Flowers Good Times Any Day Plus a year ago (it was a special $99 “super bouquet” that was meant as an apology for all the years he forgot to send flowers on Mother’s Day, which was literally all the years). Now the store won’t leave him alone, and he can’t seem to find an “unsubscribe” button on all these stupid emails he keeps getting. Will the madness ever stop?!

This is the best kind of true story. The kind that happens to me.

The number of emails I get from various online flower retailers is ridiculous. I get at least one every week reminding me to buy flowers for events  I don’t even care about, and when Mother’s Day and Valentine’s Day roll around, I get emails every hour telling me that there’s still time to get flowers and that my loved ones will never forgive me if I don’t send them a bouquet or three (and a bear and a box of candy and a balloon and a personalized card). I hate online flower shops. I’ll be in the angry dome.

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Andrew Kaye (known in some circles as AK) is the creator of Ben & Winslow and other questionable comics, many of which can be found in his deviantART gallery and his Tumblr. He’s also the editor-in-chief of this magazine. Duh.