There are so many reasons to come teach at Dark Canyon Community College.

• You want to test yourself under pressure? We got the pressure to test you. We don’t offer tenure to any of our teachers. We call it keeping educators on their toes.

• You want challenges? We got challenges. See how far you can go on a paycheck smaller than an ambitious paperboy’s. We call it letting teachers stretch the taxpayers’ dollar.

• You want isolation? We got isolation. Our campus is beyond the sticks. We’re in the remote desert. No one will hear your cries. We call it teaching those wherever they may be.

• You want students? We got students. They’re packed in our classrooms like anchovies in oil. Come address our region’s burgeoning crop of academically troubled, but eager and well intentioned leaders of tomorrow. We call it playing the education lottery.

Sound good? If so, Dark Canyon Community College is ready to kick-start your professional career. We have openings for the upcoming academic year to teach subjects ranging from Astrophysics to English as a Second Language to Alcohol and Drug Dependency. You’ve always wanted to teach, right? It’s been your lifelong dream, hasn’t it? So contact us now and nail down your entire future! We’re your last remaining hope.

Don’t pretend we’re not.

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Roland Goity lives in the San Francisco Bay Area, where he writes in the shadows of planes coming and going from SFO. He is moving forward with plans to takeover the world, although the endeavor is way more difficult than he originally envisioned.