I don’t have especially fond memories of my first car. The reason can be explained in two words: Chevy Chevette.

Okay, you can stop laughing.  I know this was not a car that a young, testosterone-primed male of the 80s could worship as it rattled along the Interstate powered by an engine that roared like an electric toothbrush. So after driving around unknowingly for months with a sign someone had attached to the back that read “Ram Me,” I realized it was time to trade up to a vehicle with a name that had a little more panache.

Car names are important to automobile manufacturers.  They are keenly aware that public recognition and acceptance of a name can influence the commercial success of a new automobile in a highly competitive industry.  Consider the Jeep Wrangler – a great earthy name for a car.  But the Kia Kickit probably would not inspire much consumer confidence.

Vehicles are often christened with names that intrigue or arouse our sense of adventure and excitement.  What bold driver wouldn’t want to be seen trekking through the wilderness in a Pathfinder, Explorer, Outback, Expedition, or Navigator?  Exotic places also make good car names:  Dakota, Monte Carlo, Malibu, Park Avenue, Tahoe, and Yukon – all exciting destinations and, presumably, exciting cars. A Lincoln Lubbock might never make it off the showroom floor.

Then there are drivers who select specific models according to his or her profession. I wouldn’t be surprised to see an astronomer driving a Mitsubishi Eclipse, to find an optometrist in a Ford Focus, or a pilot taking off in an Isuzu Ascender.  And what proctologist could resist parking a Ford Probe outside the surgery?  The late explorer Sir Edmund Hillary would have felt right at home behind the wheel of a Mercury Mountaineer.  And almost certainly the infamous Heidi Fleiss would have hired a fleet of Escorts.

The animal kingdom has also been well represented in the automobile name game over the years.  But not just any animal – often it is one that symbolizes power, strength and speed.  So the Mercury Cougar, Dodge Ram and Ford Taurus worked well (at least in name).  But there have been exceptions to muscular monikers:  the VW Beetle was a cute car, and justly deserved its quaint name.  However, consumers would probably scorn the  Saturn Slug or the Chevy Sloth.  And who would want to pick up a date in their Mazda Mole?

Two animal categories have been quite popular: horses and birds.  In addition to the Mustang, Ford seems to have rounded up all the good equine names with Bronco and Pinto as well.  Wisely, they never produced a Ford Gelding – probably a little too Freudian for young male drivers.  During the energy conscious Carter administration, Dodge created a stable of their own with the Colt.  It was a time of efficiency, when cars were named after little animals, such as the Audi Fox.  There were even VW Rabbits multiplying all over the freeways.

Our feathered friends have been well represented with the Jeep Eagle, Ford Falcon, and the Buick Skylark.   Even chickens made an appearance in the 30s and 40s with the Bantam.

From the 60s and 70s, Plymouth had the Barracuda and the Roadrunner, which were great looking cars. But the head of Plymouth’s marketing department should have taken a lesson from other companies that produced the Corvette Stingray, Fiat Spider and the Dodge Viper. There were some classic cars with names that had bite.

Along these lines, there are a few car names that may not immediately be recognized as animals, such as the Mercury Sable.  A sable might be best described as an elegant weasel.  Wisely, the Mercury marketers chose sable over weasel.  And let’s not forget the Chevy Impala, named after a graceful deer-like African mammal. Well, graceful on four legs when gliding over the subtropical savannas, not necessarily when cruising the Interstate on four wheels.

I sometimes wonder what became of the guy who came up with the name “Chevette” for a car.  Probably transferred to a Chevy dealer in north Alaska. And for that matter, I’d love to know the fate my Chevette. I expect it was melted down and recycled into a faster and more graceful vehicle, such as my neighbor’s riding lawnmower – which just happens to be … a John Deer.

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Nick Thomas has written an awful lot of stories, although some might say just a lot of awful stories. Recent self-help titles include: “A Beginner’s Guide to String Cheese Theory,” “Understanding Your Septic Tank,” and the hunting favorite “Improve Your Marksmanship” (coauthored by R.B.Cheney)