Defenestration: April 2008

Here we are, April, 2008, with a brand new issue of Defenestration. Love it as we love you.
I’ll keep the editorial short this month, because the only thing I really have to say, aside from the fact that I love popsicles, is that we’ve updated our submissions guidelines to fit in with the changing times. [...]

“Commerce,” by Mike Wiegand

The big money in Iraq is in
the coffin industry
Business is Business and
Business is Booming
Even with the recent production increases
Sajad’s shop can barely keep up
It’s a good problem to have, he sighs,
wiping his neck, shaking his head and smiling
It’s a big day at the shop
An American news crew
has come by to cover the nation’s
fastest-growing manufacturing industry
The [...]

“Yahoo Homepage/Perez Hilton/War Coverage Cutup,” by Nicole Henares

U.S. foreign policy
dumb as shit we’d say
not mean or crazy
because
Congress didn’t ask tough questions
or demand accountability
the result is what’s with the bunny
though they oppose it
95% of Americans
haven’t been touched by the war
or the celebrity rumors
where everyone has something to hide
click to reveal their secrets
but most don’t realize
sexuality is more blurred than people
make it out to [...]

2 Poems by Ryan Rader

Pencil

Today I noticed that
Pencils don’t bleed, and if they did
We would have cardboard hospitals
filled with number two’s and sharpeners
Would surely be outlawed, especially
Those torturous cranks screwed into classroom walls.
I figured that erasers would be sold
As hats, but the longer pink rubbery monsters
would be for the most self-conscious of carbons.
I learned that pencil funerals would be [...]

“Harry Potter Writes a Series of Strongly Worded Letters to His Neighbors That Indicate He Misses Fighting Dark Wizards,” by John Frank Weaver

Dear Mr. Smith,
I have asked you on numerous occasions to cut the branch on your tree that hangs over onto my property. These have been very reasonable requests and your refusal to comply is indicative of very Dark Magic at play. I believe you are under the control of a dark wizard who has cast [...]

“Wedding Quest,” by Andrew Kaye, Eileen Lavelle, and Genevieve Valentine

The email went out with the header “URGENT QUEST,” and even though they all knew how “urgent” it probably was, Neil and Targ and Susan still showed up at 3:30pm on Saturday at Steve Vandemoor’s house, said hello to Mrs. Vandemoor, and went into the basement.
The basement was set up according to Mr. and Mrs. [...]

“Chainsaws & Munchkins,” by J. Michael Dashiell

Daleville was reeling. After a freak tornado passed through, an astonishing anomaly occurred when it deposited of what appeared to be a community of legendary Munchkins. It seemed this incident amounted to The Wizard of Oz in reverse: Instead of a twister capturing a farm girl and transporting her to Oz, a tornado [...]

Anti-limericks By Ivan O’Uris, lovingly compiled and remarked upon by Shawn Roney and E.E. Pointer

Warning: The following anti-limericks are rated NC-17 – or would be if the ratings system for American movies were applied to anti-limericks. But of course, it isn’t, so I guess we’ll have to concoct something, won’t we? So consider this warning a pre-warning to the appropriate warning.
Appropriate Warning: The following anti-limericks are rated P, which [...]

“Super Mario Acquiantences,” by Stephanie O’Donnell and Chris Plehal

Artwork by Stephanie O’Donnell
Script by Chris Plehal

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Born and raised in New York, Stephanie O’Donnell created the character “Poley Polarity” when she was 10 years old. At age 15, she had the character copyrighted on the advice of her father, a full time artist who also was interested in cartooning in his youth. Recently, Stephanie has [...]

“$100 Room to Rent,” by Jeff Crouch and Christopher Woods

(Click to Enlarge)

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Jeff Crouch is an internet artist in Grand Prairie, Texas. Google “Jeff Crouch” to see where he has been.
Christopher Woods lives in Houston and in Chappell Hill, Texas. It is in the latter place that he hears coyotes cry at night. He doesn’t mind them as much as the occasional skunk that shows [...]