Well, gentle readers, recently that _________, ________ fantasy movie Eragon was released. Rather than go see the film, I thought I would leave you with a clichéd fantasy movie summary with blanks you can fill in yourself. It’s what the filmmakers did, and I don’t know why I should put in more effort than they thought worth it.
Please note: this may also look like the Mad Libs version of Star Wars and/or Lord of the Rings. I urge you to take your complaints to Christopher Paolini.
A young _(person)_, growing up in a rural _(place)_, is surprised one day when he accidentally (acquisitive verb)_ a mystical _(noun)_. While he is unprepared for the mystical burden, he is (pleasant adjective)–hearted and determines to deliver the (noun) from the wrong hands, personified by an evil person who wears monochrome clothes.
The way would be treacherous were it not for the guidance of a mysterious older man with (some awesome) powers who takes the young _(person)_ under his wing and guides him toward an unexpected, higher destiny. At the mention of “mysterious older man,” slash writers across the world perk up.
The young man is brave enough to go alone; however, being so (pleasant adjective), he gathers an entourage of helpers almost despite himself. By the time he sets out on the quest proper, he has a loyal (sidekick), an awkward (mischievous person), and the world-weary (older person).
Also, probably at this point the people at the homestead are dead. It just happens a lot.
Through a series of adventures, the hero falls in with (gorgeous woman), whose powers seem to be over the hero’s heart –and (other place). (What? I mean, like, an elven realm or a planet or something. You people have dirty minds.)
While she is (mental adjective) and (kind emotional adjective), the hero mainly notices that she’s (complementary physical adjective). This is standard for fantasy. Not a lot of homely chicks on the fantasy scene, you’ll notice.
The villain of the piece, however, is not sitting idly by and letting this semi-political revolution happen around him. Oh no! He’s taking action –by sending (ominous lackey figure/s) into the fray to take down our young hero. Ominous lackey figures manage to nearly get our hero and his raggedy entourage, but not quite, as he escapes just in time to the refuge of (pansy refuge name).
After recuperating for a little while under the protection of a higher power, he must set forth into his final battle –well, the first of three final battles. Fantasy writers like battle. Yay swords!
The battle is a success, though (one of the entourage) perishes in the fight, leaving them unable to provide the hero with any (noun –not like that!), and plunging the hero into determined, yet emo despair. He must go bravely on, for the good of the (realm) and to get into the pants of (gorgeous woman).
Enjoy filling it in for yourself!
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Genevieve is a prolific writer of speculative fiction living in New York, but you’ll never find her there because millions of people live there and Genevieve likes her privacy. Examples of her fiction can be found in Strange Horizons, Fantasy Magazine, Federations, and numerous other magazines and anthologies. Her first novel is forthcoming in 2011. Also? She has terrible taste in movies.