“… It rained food again today. I really don’t understand why this happens, there’s absolutely no pattern to it, no warning. Sometimes several days go by without anything at all and then all of a sudden — tons of food, everywhere around me, filling my vision. It’s all I can do not to gorge myself…”

“…I really need to clean out the castle, it’s getting a little gamy, even for me…”

“…My friend, the Diver, seemed real sad today; even quieter than usual. He just stands out there, holding a spear, like he’s waiting for something important to happen. I wish he’d tell me what’s wrong; maybe I could help. I would at least try…”

“… When I woke up this morning, there was a fish in my yard, a really small one. He looked pretty harmless, so I ate him. Was that wrong of me?…”

“… What in the blue blazes is that tapping sound???? It’s driving me crazy!!! It’s everywhere all at once!!! I think I’m losing my mind!!!…”

“… I really need to get a job…”

“… Attempted to leave my yard again. The same thing happened: that other fish wouldn’t let me by. He seems to know where I’m going next before I do, and then he’s always there waiting for me – waiting to block me with his head. He reminds me of myself in a way…”

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Dante Kleinberg is a freelance writer living in Michigan, and if you’re anything like him, then you’re probably not wearing pants. If you’d like to contact Dante, just e-mail him at dantebk@yahoo.com and please put “ADD THREE INCHES TO YOUR PENIS!!” in the subject line.

Tags: dante kleinberg, I.III