Dateline Mariposa, Ca - Thanksgiving Day 2003.

On the day that Americans normally give thanks for their blessings a truly miraculous manifestation occurred. Defying the notion that cute puppet like TV star “Alf” has fallen into the trash heap of American pop culture, the cuddly alien’s likeness appeared on the side of a stump in Mariposa, California. Excited fans of the witty raconteur flocked to the residence in order to bask in the glow of his likeness.

“That show was so funny,” said Maria Ramirez of Turlock, Ca. “I mean he was an alien living with an earth family. I laughed every single time I watched that show. It would’ve been great if Alf and Bill Cosby had done some work together. Wow, the Coz and Alf!”

Noted expert in supernatural phenomenon Frank Gibbs was seen taking bark samples from the stump. “I definitely think we’ll find some kind of isotope here or perhaps some of that goo like in the Ghostbusters movie,” said Gibbs.

Heide McDonald was seen playing an acoustic guitar by the stump and appeared to be really “feeling” the vibe that this new hub of both sitcom and supernatural activity seemed to be giving off. This reporter watched as Heide swayed and gently strummed her guitar singing a refrain that went:

Alf on a stump
Alf on a stump
How you made us laugh
Now you’re part of a stump.

The owners of the property were no less insightful into the mysterious appearance than the awed fans who gathered on their property. “I didn’t watch the show much. I was more of a “Too Close for Comfort” kind of guy, but if these folks’ll shell out 2 bucks for parking it’s all OK with me,” said Tom Tishup, proud owner of the impromptu shrine that has sprouted up around the stump.

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The Milestones of Peter Funk’s Long and Mighty Life: Born in Washington DC. Went to College (English major). Became a bike messenger. Moved to San Francisco. Got a Masters in English. Started a messenger company. Got married. Had a kid. Found Alf in a stump.

Tags: I.III, peter funk